Sleeping. Or lack thereof.

I dont know why I assumed we were done with sleep issues. Ethan is not yet 3. However, the last month came as quite a shock to me.
I dont think I have slept more than 5 hours in a row since the end of May. The last 10 days, maybe 3 hours in a row. and I am tired.

We aren't exactly sure what happened, but E suddenly decided he was not sleeping in his bed. Since we did a sleep training thing (baby whisperer, gotta love her) way back when around 17 months, E has gone to sleep in his own bed with no issues at all. Until I dared take him on a road trip. We drove to charlotte to visit my friend Christi, and E slept with me at her house, as well as in a couple hotel rooms. Since then, he has been literally attached to me. I noticed at lunch today, he sits SO close to me. Dont get me wrong, I love that he loves me and needs me, and wants to be close, but Momma needs a break, you know?

The kid is clearly tired.
Case in point:

What we have tried:

Bribery - while generally an effective tool, this isnt working. When asked if he wanted to go to ToysRus to get a new toy, if he slept in his bed, he replied, quite politely, "no thank you"

Cry it out - Although also touted as a miracle solution, thus far, it ain't happening here.

Nightlights - He has a nightlight in his room, we started leaving the hall light on tpo. Nope

Books in bed - He just pushed them on the floor

Leaving the door open - he just doesnt need to yell as loud for us

Staying until he falls asleep - works fine for putting him to bed, but if he wakes through the night, which he does often (like 10 times) he screams for us again.

What has worked:

Sleeping in our bed - though it works for him, our king size bed is not big enough for a rabbit, a turtle and a toddler. NO way.

I am tired, cranky and right now, listening to my little love screaming my name, SO horribly guilty.

Book Review: Sarah's Key

 Sarah's Key, a book by Tatiana de Rosnay , is a fictionalized account of the events referred to as the Vél' d'Hiv' roundups, in July of 1942. French government and police rounded up nearly 10000 Jews, men,women and even children. There were few survivors. I am embarrassed to say how little I knew of the Vel' d'Hiv round up, learning nothing in school about it. I am equally embarrassed to say that my current knowledge of the holocaust began at the Holocaust Museum in NYC, where Turtle shared the information he had always known, growing up much more aware, as part of a Jewish family.   But the more I learn, the more I know that we will never forget  אנחנו לעולם לא אשכח






Sarah's Key by Tatiana de Rosnay

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


As I read Sarah's Key, I was completely swept into Sarah's world, while understandably seeing Julia as a sharp contrast to her. I felt as connected to Sarah as Julia did, and also wanted to tell the fictional Sarah and all real life survivors, exactly as Julia did, we will never forget אנחנו לעולם לא אשכח. I read some negative reviews of this book and most references two different things they didnt care for.

1. The author used some interesting word choices, such as ingurgitate instead of eat. I think this actually added to the story, I felt like much of Sarah's story was told in another language, and since the author's first language is not english, I accepted and even liked her creative use of words. Writers, and most readers, love words and this book was no exception.

2. Many negative reviewers felt that Julia was shallow. She might have started out that way, but as she learned of the horrors that began on July 17. 1942, she was changed, little by little. She became unable to accept her husband, and learned to respect her father in law, and deperately wanted to find Sarah to talk to her and to tell her, she would never be forgotten.



I went to one of the top schools in my state, and I did not learn of the Vél' d'Hiv' roundups until well into my adulthood. This book is haunting to me, not because of the atrocities committed, because we all know that sort of evil exists, but because of the lack of knowledge, the lack of responsibility and the cavalier attitude shown towards began that day in 1942.



This was, of coure, not the best book I have ever read, but if the measure of the book is in evoking emotion, or making the reader think and want to learn more, this one is a clear winner.



View all my reviews

So I need to really meal plan

We are currently co-habitating with my parents. This works out fairly well for the most part since we haven't killed each other. since we love each other, and all. They will move out as soon as their new home is finished, and then we can make some changes to this house, and I will certainly be blogging about the results. But until that glorious day arrives, we share. My Mom and I have a great arrangement, I cook, she does laundry (She cleans, too, but that is another story)
I like to cook and when I suggested this arrangement, I didnt fully appreciate how hard it can be to cook for 4 adults and a toddler. Turtle and I like a variety of things, and I used to make all sorts of adventurous foods. My parents, though, they like their adventure kept away from dinner, apparently. My dad, although he has tried a lot more than I expected him to, prefer a meat, a potato and one of the 3 veggie like foods he eats (corn, peas, baked beans)  My mom, she likes chicken and spaghetti. E likes whatever I put in front of him, but he isn't a fan of meat. Sigh. See my issues?

Tonight we had corned beef, and although every one eat, no one seemed particularly excited. Sort of a bummer when you spend a fair amount of time preparing a meal, you know?

So here goes. My impromptu meal plan for the week ending March 26th

Monday       - Steak Sandwiches with salad and fries

Tuesday      - PW Chicken Spaghetti (everyone raves about this. I expect my              dad to hate it, but hey, we can try it, right?)

Wednesday  - Pan sauted pork chops with smashed potaties

Thursday     - Rigatoni and beef with garlic bread

Friday         - We always get take out on Friday, I have no idea why, but it is generally pizza

Saturday     - This saturday is Turtle and Rabbit's 5th wedding anniversary. I am not planning to cook! 

Okay, meals planned, tomorrow I will pick up some odds and ends at the grocery store, and hit the produce market! I hope I stay on track!

Another old post, but seriously funny!

Happy Easter/Passover/Spring!

Good Friday Mass with a toddler

We got there and E was so excited... there were ducks on the church lawn! We walked inside and found a pew and Ethan started to cry.
E:  more ducks, Mommy, please" he whined. "Please, mommy. ducks please. ducks, Outside!!
Me: Not now, E, later. After church.
A few minutes passed, thankfully the choir was singing. But then they stopped.
E:  more singing, mommy. More singing. ABC song?  Dayenu? (dayenu is passover, wrong religion, kid!) 
Me: we will sing again in a minute. Look, there is Jesus on the cross!
E:  Jesus! Look, Jesus on the cross!  (yelling). Jesus!
Me:  (sigh)
Meanwhile, mass is starting and we are standing.
E:  milk bottle, mommy. please
me: here is your sippy cup
E: (crying) no, milk bottle. BOTTLE!
me: Sorry, baby, mommy only brought your cup. Bottle later. Here, do you want an apple stick?
E: apple sick!! apple sick!
Time passes, oh so slowly. 
E: sing a sing song.
Me: (Whispering in his ear) sing, sing a song, sing out loud, sing out strong, etc
E: more.
repeat. 
Time passes, slower and slower
E: AMEN! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmen. Amen.
(congregation: Amen)
E: Jesus on the cross!
(note... this sounds very innocent, but he was saying Jesus on the cross in the tone one might say something like, I don't know.... Christ on a cracker!) 
E: Jesus!
Me: <----wondering if she can do this!
Time passes
E; More apple sicks. apple sicks. apple sauce? apple sauce (whining now)
Me: Here is more apple, we can have apple sauce for dinner.
Priest starts to head down aisle with crucifix. Congregation lines up to touch the wood of the cross and perhaps kiss the feet of the crucifix. 
I wait until the end and then take E by the hand and we go up. We happen to get Monsignor's line and he smiles when he sees E
E: Hi.
Msgr: Hi. Do you want to kiss Jesus's feet?
E: Jesus on the cross! feet. No feet (shaking his head, looking at Msgr like he has lost it)
Msgr (stifling a laugh) ok. (blessed E)
E: (walking back to our seat) Jesus feet!
Me: Slowly dying. 
Time passed. Communion. 
Me: Come on, let's go see Msgr.
E: ok, monster (I think he was trying to say monsignor, but it really sounded like monster) 
We go up, I am holding E, I open my mouth for communion, expecting a host to be placed in my mouth by the priest. Instead, I get sticky apple fingers. Moving his hand, I get the host and put E down so I can make the sign of the cross. 
E: (Pointing to cross) Jesus! Ahhhhmen. AHMEN!!
Me: Hush, baby, quiet voice.
E: AMENAMENAMENAMEN
Me: Sigh.
(all the old ladies laugh and smile at him)
E: Amen!
Me: (I am beginning to think E isn't just Catholic and Jewish, he might have a bit of Southern Baptist or Born Again Christian in him.  I vow to myself, if he says Alleluia, I am outta there.)
E: Jesus feet, No.
Priest: Mass has ended, go in peace. 
Me: Alleluia!!!!

My thoughts about my infertility

My thoughts in my Infertility was actually posted in my old blog, but every now and then, I remind myself of it, so I thought since I am bringing my thoughts here these days, It was worth copying over. I am going to bring over a few old posts, this is the 1st. 

I posted a while back about some unfair aspects of IF. A friend going through a really lousy time reminded me that I wrote the following, in response to a message board post, asking for commentary for National Infertility Awareness Week. I had forgotten these words and they are worth remembering. and T, I know you don't want 'I'm sorry's"  but know you are not far from all our thoughts.

~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My full thoughts on going through IF......

 I wish someone had told me that IF could change  you, and it can be a change for the better. We all know it make us sad, frustrated, angry and bitter. I am still sometimes all of those things, but impossible to see, until many months after my son was born, is there there was some good, too. Once I got past amazement that he was ours, that IVF did work (the second time) that I didn't miscarry or any of the other million things that terrified me the entire 39weeks and 1 day I was pregnant, I was able to get a glimpse of another reality. IF made me a better person.
Imagine that? In a few ways, too.

I never thought I was that determined, until I tried to get pregnant, with a doctor, for 27 months.

I never thought I was that bold, until I had to demand good care.

I never knew I had such tenacity, until our 9th IUI

I never thought I was that sensitive, until I sobbed and sobbed when I found out I had blocked tubes on top of diabetes, PCOS, AMA and hypothyroid.

I never thought I was brave, until I had to give myself upwards of 100 shots, in spite of a fear of needles.

I never thought I was strong, until the day I realized IVF#1 did not work, and we had to do it again.

I never thought I was compassionate, until I started to care for a message board full of women like they were my best friends. 

I have been changed for the better and I like who I am,  very much. I am a strong, bold and compassionate person, and I am not sure I would have become this person, this Mother to Ethan, if I hadn't followed this path. If I had one wish, of course, i would make it that I didn't have to do it, but since we know that isn't how it works,  I appreciate what it taught me about myself.  If I had one wish now, I would wish none of you had to go through this, I would wish no one ever had to 'learn' from IF, because as lessons go, it sucks. It isn't fair.But for me, since going through it was a necessary evil, I learned things I am not sure I would ever have known.

 I pray that everyone will come out on the other side, with the family they dream of, in whatever way it takes. You are always in my thoughts

So I gave up sugar for lent...

and it is hard. I mean, I am doing it for good reasons and all, but MAN! I want a cookie!
Tonight, I had an apple cut up, and heated peanut butter as a dip. it was really good, but I was imagining peanut butter cook
ies.